It’s a season…

How many thousands’s of times have we all heard that? How many billions of times have we said that? Probably too many. I don’t disagree with the figure of speech per se but good golly gosh if it doesn’t feel like this “season” has lasted for years. It is hard and sometimes I want to have a bad attitude about it. I think that frustration at it’s core is a healthy thing to feel when life is putting you through the wringer. I’m in a season of change, like the big scary kind that makes me think yeah season makes sense because broken down it is seas-on and it sure feels like the sea IS on top of me. Dramatic flare much? I don’t think so but ask my mother, she’s an expert at seas-on top of me. My dad who goes by Mr. Tooth Fairy (read about him here http://tinyurl.com/y24bljcc) was Air Force so we moved a fair amount, she gave up her career to raise my brothers and I. I have got to hand it to her though she busted her tail to meet neighbors, tie into mom groups, get us into and connected at church, she did a glorious job! But things weren’t picture perfect at home because that is real life. It’s a MESS. But to be nice we call our friends and comment on our pseudo-friends FB pages “it’s a phase”.
SO right now I’m in the phase where there are moving boxes
e v e r y w h e r e, The phase where one kid has asthma and I learned today that YES, we have been into pediatrics every two weeks since January. Ouch, bad attitude. The one where my husband was “forced to resign”, where he got a new job , praise the Lord, roughly 2,699 miles away from our family. Our biggest support. Ouch, bad attitude oh and I’m having trouble sleeping… ETC. I want to be positive and happy all the time, generally I truly am but sometimes we need to rest easy. Don’t take on too much. That’s what I do, my calendar is a rainbow of events. Now I’m trying to add “chill pill” to my list of endless things to do.

My poor brain only has four functioning cells after three kids and 3/4 are busy wondering where I left the nice thermometer, what happened to my rain boots? When did Grog the frog out grow his shoes by TWO sizes?! These kids and their growth spurts man, little weeds I tell you. I know someday I will look back and say, where did the time go? I will cherish my chaos for time spent with my babies and my family. I will settle into the comfort of my very own longed for *hopefully* permanent home and praise Jesus for being so so good to my family. I know not everyone is religious, we wish that word around like it’s a bad dirty taste in our mouth. But truly I cling to my faith when I am most down, I know in my soul that He is what I need most, especially when I have a bad attitude and my children break the one-year-old television and then proceed to shred the styrofoam of the new TV so that it looks like it snowed in the effing living room. I love Jesus but I cuss a little mmmk.

Having friends to lean on and laugh off these events is soothing and healing. My heart is hurting, I’m trying to cope, process, grieve, and parent simultaneously and it’s exhausting. Not to mention housework, ew. I want to encourage you, if you are feeling overwhelmed with life or that pile of laundry or the last 17 moving boxes are too daunting, rest. Call a friend, speak truth to your feelings and calm them out so they don’t fester inside you causing resentment. Take a moment to think that you are being used as a vessel to display grace and live out the promise that good is to come. Even when it feels like life is picking on you sister.

There are days where I swear I am cursed or I just regret asking myself “what else could go wrong” because life will throw me a “hold my beer” moment. Frequently. Rest your mind for a moment, even if it means hiding in the pantry while sneaking some Oreos at 9:50 am. Also drink water, I should take my own advice.

2 Corinthians 12 9-10:But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Caarin Torsitano

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