The phone is ringing while I am typing my latest Google inquiry: how much melatonin is dangerous for kids? Seriously. Melatonin as in that “sleep aid” hormone you can take over the counter… My two-year-old helped himself to who-knows-how-many 5mg rapid dissolve pills this morning. The worst part was this was my third phone call into Poison Control in the last two weeks, I thought it was one week, so go me *insert eye roll*.
Not for the same child, thank goodness, or the same issue, thank goodness. But gosh I feel like the parent of the year. I am convinced now that I am definitely but slowly allowing my children maim themselves. What kind of mother leaves melatonin pills down? Or leaves an entire pack of gum in the bathroom for the two-year-old to eat? What about the Grapefruit essential oil my five-year-old doused his hair in and got in his eyes? Rinsing eyes for fifteen minutes in the shower feels like hours by the way…
I don’t condone blatant irresponsibility, but I do highly encourage giving yourself grace when you have little lock picking ninjas for children who will climb any obstacle to get into whatever destructive item or toxicant they desire. Now I’m anxiously biting the skin around my nails wondering how to do anything productive with the rest of my day… My to do list is long, it’s always long when you’re a mom, but this one feels extra long since I’m still in the process of moving into my parents house and prepping for a cross country move. For some reason kids don’t get the “sit here for a few hours while I work” memo so I inch along my list while trying to keep bathrooms clean, meals made, teeth brushed… I’ve given up on tidied up toys and an empty sink, this is real life guys. Nobody is perfect.I want to sit on my children to keep them safe, find me a bubble to contain these wild creatures! I’m worried Poison Control is going to flag me down and report me for being an unfit mother because my child managed to eat an entire pack of gum while I was folding laundry two days ago and got into melatonin while I was feeding Baby Cas. I was already feeling anxious this morning about our upcoming move and my husbands new job, and that’s just about put me over the top. Throw out the whole day because mommy can’t keep it together. Is 10 am too early for wine?
I desperately miss my husband who is working at his new job in South Carolina, exactly 2,961.5 miles away. Too far. I need my someone to help me run recon in the evenings when the bedtime battle begins. My boys miss their daddy who has bent over backwards to try and keep us afloat after a sudden job loss. Living with your parents is super sexy too, nothing is a better ecosystem for your marriage like sharing a living space. Oh, wait…
I miss the reassurance I get from my husband when I’m beating myself up. My heart goes out to all the single parents in the world or the parents with spouses who work late/night shift who have to kiss all the owies, make all the meals, and do bedtime alone. I can’t even fathom that reality. There is a light at the end of this tunnel but it is far away. In the mean time we’re going to rest today and watch movies together. So far Grog hasn’t passed out yet so maybe he didn’t eat any melatonin after all.
I am thankful that I have spectacular friends who build me up during these down times, they encourage and support me. Sometimes I get really lucky and they visit me or I’m able to load up and visit them.
Just remember, lean into your supports. There is no such thing as the perfect parent, there is no way to raise kids without bumps along the way. Some days it’s me or the house. Some days it’s a chuck roast with veggies and other days it’s a sheet pan of organic dino nuggets you can graze off of throughout the day.
Ketchup or ranch?